If "trying harder" keeps ending in feeling worse, chances are you're dealing with disconnection.
Most women physicians carry one primary Disconnection Driver that quietly runs the show. Name it and the path back to yourself gets clearer (and lighter).
Below are the five drivers we see most often, plus a 2-minute quiz to find your top one and a tiny practice to get traction today. Keep it honest; there’s no grade—only guidance.
The 5 Disconnection Drivers
1) Pressure
Constant rushing. Overcommitment. The sense you can’t ever stop, because if you do, something will drop. Pressure can be external (workload, call, home life) and internal (self-imposed timelines, comparison, “I should be able to…”).
You might notice: calendar overwhelm, shallow breathing, snapping at small things, poor sleep quality.
Micro-move: Pause (5Ps). Consider the one task that actually matters in the next hour and let the rest wait.
2) Pointless
The quiet “what’s the point?” that shows up when you’re going through the motions or misaligned with deeper values. You’re productive, but not fulfilled.
You might notice: dread before clinic, envying colleagues who seem “happy,” doomscrolling at night, daydreaming about a different job.
Micro-move: Purpose (5Ps). Take a few minutes to consider what values matter most to you right now. Then write: “Today I honor [value] by [one action].” Example: “Today I honor connection by asking one interesting question with each patient.” Small alignment restores meaning.
3) Perfectionism
Always striving, never enough. Fear of mistakes and rigid standards that squeeze out joy. Perfectionism sounds honorable—until it steals sleep, creativity, and connection.
You might notice: rewriting notes three times, perseverating over sending emails, procrastinating on projects you care about, avoiding feedback, irritation when others don’t meet your bar.
Micro-move: Play (5Ps). Choose a task to do at 80% on purpose. Set a 15-minute timer. When it dings, you're done. Whether it's an email, cleaning the kitchen, etc. Celebrate progress, not polish.
4) People Pleasing
Saying yes at your expense. Blurry boundaries. You’re the reliable one, which works, until resentment and exhaustion settle in.
You might notice: auto-yes replies, calendar creep, annoyance at “small asks,” staying late to spare others discomfort, avoiding difficult convos.
Micro-move: Protect (5Ps). Practice some one-line phrases that you feel comfortable saying and keep them in your back pocket. Ex: "Thank you for asking, let me check my calendar and then get back to you."
5) Powerless
Feeling stuck or trapped. Pushing yourself to push through. Running on empty and unsure how to change anything without blowing up your life.
You might notice: cynical humor, decision fatigue, doom + gloom thinking, “What’s the point?” with extra heaviness.
Micro-move: Power (5Ps). Take 5–10 minutes on an action that nudges your goals forward: send an email to request a meeting, research contract negotiation, ask a trusted colleague for a script they use. Momentum > magnitude.
2-Minute "Driver" Quiz
Read each statement. Mark the ones that feel most true this month.
Count your checks per section—the highest total is your #1 Disconnection Driver right now. Ties are common. Pick the one that feels most charged.
Pressure
- I move fast all day and still feel behind.
- I feel guilty if I stop, even for water or the restroom.
- I multitask during meals or charting.
- My body feels “revved” even when I’m home.
Pointless
- I’m productive but not fulfilled.
- I can’t see how today’s work connects to what I value.
- I fantasize about nonclinical options more than I used to.
- Joy feels…optional.
Perfectionism
- I avoid starting unless I can do it “right.”
- Feedback spikes my heart rate.
- I over-edit notes, emails, or presentations.
- I measure my worth by output or praise.
People Pleasing
- I say yes and immediately regret it.
- Asking for help feels risky.
- I feel responsible for others’ feelings.
- My schedule reflects other people’s priorities more than mine.
Powerless
- Nothing I try seems to change the big picture.
- I feel stuck in my role or system.
- I’m too tired to think about solutions.
- I’m waiting for “someday” to make a move.
Now what? Use the micro-move under your top driver today. Then pair it with the matching 5Ps practice below for one week.
Tiny, repeated actions beat heroic, unsustainable ones.
Match Your Driver to the 5Ps
-
Pressure → Pause + Protect
- Intentional breathwork. Habit stack three breaths before EMR logins.
- Draw one boundary that gives you back~15 minutes/day. Maybe it's limiting social media or asking your partner to do help with the dishes.
-
Pointless → Purpose
- Daily values sticky note; one aligned action before noon.
- "Today I honor [value] by [one action].”
-
Perfectionism → Play
- 80% rule + 15-minute timer; get it done imperfectly once/day.
-
People Pleasing → Protect + Power
- Explore how it feels to give one “no” this week.
- 10-minute step toward your priorities.
-
Powerless → Power + People
- Text a trusted colleague and ask how they would handle a situation.
- Schedule a 20-minute chat this month with your team, admin, or partner to discuss pain points.
How Community Supports The 5Ps
Change happens faster when you’re not doing it alone. In a physicians-only circle, you don’t have to translate your life. You bring your #1 driver; we bring co-regulation, practical scripts, and support. Inside Women Physicians Collective, we run the 5Ps together each month, so your nervous system learns the loop and your calendar stays sane.
Try It This Week
- Identify your #1 driver.
- Pick the matching micro-move and do it once/day for 7 days.
- Tell one trusted colleague or friend what you’re trying (accountability = momentum).
- Notice what shifts—energy, focus, mood, or simply the story you tell yourself.
WISE WORDS FROM WILD WOMEN
An excerpt from Wild Geese by Mary Oliver
“You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.”
Sometimes poetry says it better than any pep talk ever could. This one’s for the days you feel heavy, guilty, or not enough.
